So Catholics have a new pope now, did you know that? He’s the former Jorge Mario Bergoglio, who will now take the name Pope Francis. He’s an Argentinian, the first pope ever from the Americas, he’s the first Jesuit pope, and he’s the first non-European since 741. Are you bored yet? I know I am. It’s funny, everyone was surprised when the previous pope stepped down. Um, he was eighty-five years old. Even though I have nothing but contempt for the Catholic church, I actually give the guy at least a little bit of credit for realizing and accepting that he was becoming too feeble to do the things the job required of him. But now when the odds-makers were thinking about who the next pope might be, some of them were speculating that the church might want to go with somebody significantly younger, so that they might connect with younger or lapsed Catholics. Fat chance. I knew it was never going to happen, because let’s face it, they want an old guy in there, somebody well rooted in old ways of thinking, somebody conservative, somebody who was going to keep preaching the doctrines of hate and intolerance the church was founded upon…although, to be fair, the younger cardinals are all guilty of that, too. I found it a potent combination of funny, pathetic, and nauseating to see all of the little old ladies (and, disturbingly enough, some young people too) all crowding outside the papal conclave, waiting to get a glimpse of whomever the new Liar in Chief of this collection of frauds was going to be. And then they all went bat shit when they found out who it was. Hey, it’s a homophobic guy in his seventies who wants to deny women their reproductive rights! Who would have thunk it?
Look, regular readers know what I think of organized religion. I’m big on things than have scientific evidence to back them up; sorry, Marco Rubio, I’m one of those people. It’s not just Christianity that pisses me off, it’s all organized religion, but the church has always especially irritated me. They’ve perpetrated obvious lies for two thousand years, preaching intolerance while at the same time trying to convince us they’re a force for good in this world. The new pope, and the organization of doddering old dodos behind him, want to keep gays from being able to marry, and adopt. They want to deny women the right to abortion, and birth control. They want to systematically keep women from holding any positions of power within their own organization. They protect those of their number who abuse and destroy the innocence of trusting children. And they do all of this without apologizing, flapping their toothless gums all the while about “God’s plan.” That’s not God’s plan. It’s your plan…at least have the guts to stand behind your own bigotry and not blame your closed-mindedness on some invisible man in the sky.
There’s only one good thing that could have come out of the papal conclave, one result that could have satisfied me. They should have left their super-secret circle-jerk, come out on the balcony, and told all the people, all the brainless sheep, that the church was disbanding. That they were tired of the lies, tired of the delusion and the self-delusion, tired of denying equal rights for all people regardless of gender or sexual orientation. They should have apologized for the Crusades, apologized for the Inquisition, for all the torture and murder and travesties that have been committed in the name of their imaginary God. They should have told the 1.2 billion Catholics in the world to leave, to be free, to find something better to do with their Sundays than bore themselves to tears, mumbling meaningless drivel in a dead tongue in dusty old buildings. They should have said that they were giving all of their fabulous wealth to legitimate charities, so they could actually do a good thing that helped society, after hurting it so dreadfully, for so long. In short, they should have said they were dissolving the church, and that they hoped in time the blot on the face of the world that it left would fade away. But, of course, they didn’t do that. They never will, because they like living in luxury, in their sumptuous churches subsidized by the tithe that they collect from the brain-dead masses, blood money to try and buy their way to salvation. They say the new pope is a humble man, that he likes to ride the bus, that he likes to kiss the feet of AIDS patients. Don’t make me laugh. If he’s so humble, he can prove it by giving away every penny of the church’s wealth. Again, never going to happen. There’s only one thing that can stop the church, stop the lies forever. People, you have to turn away. You have to find the strength in yourself to deny fantasy. I know the story told by the church is a compelling one. But that’s all it it: a story. There’s not a shred of truth to it, not an ounce of proof. It’s convenient to live in fantasy land, but at some point, we all have to grow up. Find the inner resolve to deny all the nonsense. Think for yourselves, and don’t believe what you’ve been told since you were children. You were brainwashed, but you don’t have to live that way forever. Don’t let evil win. Stand on your own two feet, without this corrupt institution to back you up. It won’t be easy, but it will be truthful. It will be the best thing you can do for yourselves…and for the world. The church won’t go away on its own. But with every defection, we can kill it.