In just a couple of days now, England’s Prince William will marry Mate Middleton. Hundreds of millions of people are expected to watch live on TV, and the U.K. is in an uproar. Where are Kate and Wills going to honeymoon? What’s the cake going to be like? Who’s designing Kate’s dress? Which of her idiot relatives is going to do something to embarrass her at the reception? And me? There”s just no way I could care any less about it. What is it with England and royalty? Let’s go back to the origins of the monarchy, shall we? It all came about in the same way that all dictators, and presidents for life, and all other autocrats rise to power. Because they consider themselves to be smarter, or better looking, or whatever else it might happen to be, than everybody else, they feel that they deserve to be in charge. They’re greedy, they’re power hungry, and they feel that everybody else is beneath them. Oftentimes, they’re charismatic, and they always use some variation of the same line. “I should be in charge, and you should all bow down and worship the ground I walk on, because I’ve been ordained by God. God said it should be so.” And everybody else falls for it, and they say, well, because the Windsors, or the Saudi royal family, or whoever, are, in fact, good looking and good public speakers, it must be true! It has been ordained by God! And once it starts, the subjugation of the “commoners” never stops. It continues on, down through history, generation after generation after uppity, holier-than-thou, better-than-you generation.
Who’s to blame for this? The people who thought they could get away with it, or the ones who fell for their scam? Whatever the case, it’s the very definition of putting on airs, causing class divisions between people. It’s true that things are better now than they were during the Tudor era, when trying to be Catholic during the rule of a Protestant monarch, and vice versa, could get you tortured and executed. Now, at least, the Queen is a figurehead, and she doesn’t have absolute control of the country. But continuing to spoil and kowtow to an unpleasant old woman simply makes no sense in modern society, in the year 2011, not in the U.K. or anywhere else. Sure, here in the U.S. our so-called representative democracy has its problems, but at least we don’t have a king or queen to bestow undeserved attention on and lavish with every luxury. The British say we Americans don’t understand monarchs. The queen is a symbol, they say, of everything that’s good about their nation. Grace, charm, and dignity. Bull. All I see is a long line of preening peacocks, the much beloved Princess Diana included. Why did they love her so much? Because she was photogenic, nothing more. I mean, do you know all of the rules that have to be observed when you’re in the presence of the queen? You can’t make physical contact with her, you can’t walk in front of her, you can’t clear your throat without first asking permission from her majesty. It’s idiotic. And because it’s tradition, it just keeps on going. The stupidity keeps perpetuating itself. Well, I, for one, won’t be watching the “royal wedding.” It’s a royal sham, and I’m boycotting the whole affair. If England wants to raise itself in esteem in my eyes and the eyes of the world, they need to abolish the monarchy. These people are living in another century.
I’d like to thank everyone who has gotten on board and is following me on Twitter @gothamsteve. You have access to my wit and wisdom twenty-four hours a day. And I also hope that everyone is enjoying the rise of the spring season, a time of rebirth and renewal. Stop and smell the flowers, people…but watch out for the bees. More soon.