Scientology Is Not The Answer

October 6, 2010

Okay, I’ve railed against organized religion on the site before, and my position on it hasn’t changed. It’s doubtful it ever will. I believe that religion in general is a refuge of the weak-minded. It’s a creation needed by people who can’t find fulfillment and contentment in their lives without following some creed or doctrine…usually a rigidly defined one, that dictates how one dresses, eats, and carries oneself. It sticks you in buildings praying to some fictional deity that there isn’t now and never has been any evidence of, and makes you miss the football games on Sundays. And it’s responsible for the majority of the genocides and the worst atrocities that have been committed throughout history, up to and including the present day. The beef over the “Ground Zero Mosque,” the thousands of years of fighting over “the Holy Land” in the Middle East…it just gets so fucking tiring. Religion. That’s what causes it all, the tension, the strife, the suffering. Religion.

But I’m at least more forgiving of the ones that leave you the hell alone. As long as they’re keeping to themselves, and not actively recruiting, (or committing wholesale slaughter) I’m something approaching tolerant, if grudgingly so. But the ones that are out there trying to drum up new members really, really irritate me…Jehovah’s Witnesses, the Jews in the Mitzvah Tank out on Park Avenue asking about your beliefs as you’re walking down the sidewalk, the ones handing out Jesus pamphlets and preaching fire-and-brimstone under Times Square. Wow, do they ever get my synapses firing. It’s all I can do to keep myself from decking one of them, it really is. But lately, I’ve been seeing these ads on T.V. They start out sort of generic, like they could be advertising a new line of ergonomic toilet paper, or deodorant, or something…pictures of smiling children, rain forests, and hip youngsters asking questions like “Have you ever asked yourself why?” “Have you ever wondered about the meaning of life?” And then when you’re not really clear on what it is you’re seeing, they drop it on you… They’re trying to recruit you to the religion of the couch-jumping crazy man Tom Cruise and the cross-dressing hair-plug guru John Travolta. Now, all religions are creepy, with the possible exception of Buddhism…at least that’s relatively harmless…but Scientology is just on another level of stupid and deranged. It’s not even so much the story behind it all, Xenu and alien souls being trapped in volcanoes, and whatever other nonsense, as was explained so usefully in the South Park episode, it’s just the fact that it’s always the craziest celebrities, often the ones with the most damaging rumors swirling around them, that are attracted to it. Anything that fruit-bat Tom Cruise goes along with you can pretty much chock up immediately in the “incorrect” column and move on.

The commercials for Scientology ask questions like “What is the meaning not just of life, but the meaning of my life?” Well, that’s a valid query. At some point, most free-thinking human beings are going to ask it of themselves and the world around them, and everybody is going to come back with different answers. Myself, I believe that there isn’t one single answer, one true way, one true path, and that all others are wrong. And I know it’s not one human-constructed way or faith, because I can tell, instinctively. People who are all hopped up on whatever their chosen flavor of religion is talk about faith. When asked about it, they say they just know or they can just tell. Well, I just know and I can just tell that they’re full of shit. Really and truly. From the bottom of my heart and soul, I know first class bull-dink when I hear it and smell it, and that’s why you’ll never get me in a temple, or a church, or whatever else, unless it’s to laugh at the sheep. I believe that the questions that we ask about the hows and whys don’t always have an answer, not in this life, and that’s because in this existence, our minds couldn’t handle the knowing. Most days I’m okay with that, and on the days when I’m not, when I’m afraid or the questions feel especially pressing, hey, I’m okay with that too. I’d rather have the not knowing than accepting an obvious lie.

And that’s what Scientology is, an obvious lie, so obvious it hardly needs saying. But hey, I’m here to say it anyway, because that’s what this blog is…among other things…a purveyor of truth. And as long as the young and the impressionable are seeing commercials for something that sounds (on the surface, for a second) like it might be credible, they might actually want to look into it. And then the cult will get their hands on them, and that vampire Tom Cruise will suck out their bone marrow. But I’m here to see that doesn’t happen. They got Isaac Hayes; don’t let it happen to you! Deny the crazy cults, not just Scientology, but every other major religion! Listen to me, the voice of logic, if not always of sanity! Because I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t claim to…but as my nonexistent God is my witness, I’ll never lie to you.

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  • Reply Malik October 6, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    Greetings! Is it okay that I go a bit off topic? I am trying to view your website on my iPhone but it doesn’t display properly, do you have any suggestions? Thanks for the help I hope! Malik

  • Reply Will Tilburg October 6, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Hey thanks for yet another very interesting post. Where do you get your inspiration for all this :|?

  • Reply Steven October 7, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    Malik: yes, I have a suggestion. Throw your iPhone on the ground and stomp it like a two-dollar hooker. Then nestle it to your cheek and swear you’ll never do it again and that it’s your one and only, your everything, the sun on your face and the air you breathe. Then throw it down and stomp it again.

    Will: inspiration can strike at any time, but this particular rant was triggered by the rash of recent Scientology commercials. Has anyone else seen one of these? Terrifying.

  • Reply Genaro Splawn October 9, 2010 at 8:00 am

    tom cruise is so smart,better than johnny depp.

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